A while ago, I had to undergo great stress to the point that I tried to commit suicide rather than face this private nightmare. There was a period of 18 months from the outset to the conclusion. I was forever on edge, at times severely depressed, and people could only console, they couldn’t sympathise saying ” I know what you are going through” , because nobody in my circles could say that. I sought counselling to deal with the anxiety and depression. People could only guess at the outcome, but could not predict what was going to happen. IN the end, it turned out to be not as bad as what people guessed, and I felt a huge relief when the conclusion was reached.
It was a life changing experience and one which I was determined to make into a positive. I re-evaluated my priorities and my goals for life. I took up art again, and writing, and with support of friends started photography again. These are things I had given up some 25 years before. I did a mindfulness course for stress relief, and while I don’t daily practice meditation, it is a part of my life and being. My heart rate and blood pressure are a little lower than normal and that for an obese man is quite a surprise for my doctors.
Since that time, I have given the making of money a lower priority, and given greater priority to enjoying life and being satisfied with what I have. I have gone back to study, this time not for vocational reasons but for enjoyment. I am doing a degree in creative arts and quite enjoy it.
I still have anxious times, and times of depression, that cant be helped, but I have learnt to accept these feelings as part of me, and just let them be. I know I will come out of it and get on with living.
The intense feelings I have these days have to do with pleasure at creating an artwork that I love, taking that perfect picture, or writing something which I know will enrich the lives of people who read it. I have intense feelings of pride when my work is acknowledged, when I win an award, or prize for my creations, or when an artwork, photograph or story sells.
I must say I prefer the intense feelings I get now, than the ones I had previously.